Think twice!

We all loook for the ultimate love. Love makes you happy. Love makes you smile all the time. Love makes you look the world from a different angle. Love is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to you. Love is what connects people accross ages, accross cultures, accross countries…And to put things straight, I mean about ultimate love between two lovers, between a boy and a girl (or whatever the sexes are), between two people who are in love! En amorado!

So when love is not around, you miss all of these great feelings. Instead, you feel depressed, alone and you always look back in time, when you were in love and happy… cherishing this wonderful period of your life.

But, as most of us do, you tend to remember the good of every situation and leave the bad ones back. You don’t remember how much you suffer when you are in love. How nervous you feel everytime the phone rings and you simply can’t say a word that would make sense. You seem to forget that your stomach is aching almost every day. You seem to forget that you can’t concentrate at work. You delete from your memory how irrational your thoughts become when you are in love. You imagine things that never happened. You expect things that would never happen. You leave in your own dream and you expect the other person to follow. You suffer. You never meet your friends, you family, your neighbors, because you simply are in love…

And then..one day he leaves and you are completely fucked up. And it aches even more.

So I come to think..why would we look for the ultimate, strongest love of our lives when all it does is hurting us at the end?

The XXXmas corporate party

Every year, the same old story…the welcome from the CEO, the targets we achieved, the ones we pursue for next year and the toast to let the party begin! This year, having moved to another company, it was interesting to sit back a bit and watch. For the first time I realized that no matter which corporate party you attend, you meet the same people.

Those that just showed up because they had to, those that had no other place to go, those that are needed to start the party (the “fun” guys), those that think that are needed to start the party and those that never go out, so they find this as a great opportunity to dress up and have fun!

It is sad to realize how some people party and drink like crazy and get to the extreme. The funny thing is that, two hours ago, these were the most boring people you could meet just on your way to the office toilet.

And then you see those ones that lose control…Shirts unbuttoned, trousers full of shots, getting touchy with girls, and something on their head that makes them look like Rudolf (at least this is a cute animal).

You sit back and you wonder…”why people think that this is the way to inspire their coworkers? Do they really think that this will make me feel that they are a fun person to work with?”..I still wonder…

Can wine replace sex?

It is 11.30pm and you are back home from the office. Your mind is cluttered with presentations, numbers, research results, calculations and emails that you just hope were sent to the right people.
Someone would wish to open the door of the appartment and see a handsome man on his shorts ready to take away all the stress of the day. Not working for me right now. I got more stressed because I couldn’t find clean cuttlery rather than because I was alone. In fact I enjoyed that.
And thend the reward of the day…wine!Wine!Wine! And you don’t even need to undress…;-)

Enjoy the power of being single

Drunk as I am, I value this being the best time to write…

Write about the funny time of getting drunk all alone! A bottle of wine, some cheese and a pack of cigarettes. And while I pour myself some wine, I am replying back to the American colleague that seem not to approve our proposal..And then I decide i need to cook for tomorrow’s lunch (I am fed up of the vending machine food) and I start putting ingredients together…(Remind me not to give anyone at the office to try tomorrow!)

It is only 10.30 pm and I feel like I need to have a good sleep..My pijamas are  full of food stains, my head still thinks of the email exchange and the music plays as loud as it is a Saturday night.

That’s the good thing of being single! You can do whatever you like, whenever you like and actually feel free!
Who cares if the groceries still stay in the plastic bags, next to the fridge? They will make their way to the fridge at some point! Who cares if the kitchen is full of dishes, and who cares if I want to have all my bras in display? Being single is fun so let’s drink to it!!!

Take the day off

Lately my life has been hectic. Working from 9am to 9pm or even later. Work, work, work. Satisfy my manager, satisfy her manager, oh sorry…it is all about satisfying the customer. What has to do though with my satisfaction, cannot get into an chart pie or a spreadsheet. It can’t even fit in a brief to the ad agency…It is clear that noone could think of a creative line for the way I am positioned right now.

The fridge is empty cause there is simply no time to go to the grocery shop. Milk in the fridge has almost turned into yoghurt while my fruity yoghurts could only be shared with my ex boyfriend (I was always looking for a way to get revenge). Sometimes I even risk going at work with a “Frida eyebrow” kind of style. I am sure my brother has less hair than I do!

Full of hair, mastered by stress, without any exercise, while whenever my stomach gives signal to my brain, I just eat crappy sandwiches from the vending machine. Absolutely fucking success! Absolutely great career! Tell me about it…

At least I have this fb that releases my tension. Work, home, work, home…you need something to relax you, don’t you think? Something that operates after 10pm and it is not a 24/7 convenience store. Sex really helps this overstressed life that most of us working, career-oriented (my ass) people have (for some reason) chosen. Now that I think of it, sex actually does what my face cleanser promises:  “it takes the day off”!

Even if you see it as a “set up meeting”, at least this is the only case where you don’t need to right a memo afterwards. You just need to follow up ;-)

 

 

New kid on the block

Wouldn’t it be great to choose your own neighbors? Well I know that when you look for a a place you have a great bunch of things to solve. Last time I went through that I almost got a secretary to keep track of all my notes on the flats I had to check. What type of heating, plumping, drainage system it supports? Is there a park lot available? How many flats use the basement, how frequently they clean it, how much is the rent, does the landroad needs money in advance…? You get to know all these things about the flat but you never get to know what kind of people live next to you. Well of course your landloard can assure you how nice, friendly, quite people they are and you can tell by his smile that he is not pretending much. So you sign the agreement and there you are, moving to this place you have been looking for so long. Well sort of…because the more you stay the more you realise that you didn’t really cheched the house before moving in. But you can cope.

The day comes that you meet the rest of the guys in the block. You just wish this happens before you get into this embarassement moment that they hear you first.

Mr B usually takes the stairs. He likes to stretch his legs even though he is at his 70ish. He seems a nice guy and not into gossipping (i hate that!). The old lady from the 5th floor has this strange look whenever I bumped on her. To be honest I would have the exact same look if the first time I met myself I was full with make-up and mini skirts.They are not many of them, that makes our relationship more like a big family or something. Or I suppose it should have been this way. But how can I really come close to people that behave strange? The other day I went down the basement and suddently this guy from 1st floor came over like looking for the thief or something. Soon I realized that he was looking for a chance to meet me. He asked me if I heard a loud noise, I said no, wondering what the hell he was talking about. When he started saying that “it must have been the wine I had” I tried to look preoccupied with what I was doing..but then he goes “you are the one that leaves the car lights on almost every night right?”…OMG! I didn’t know what was worse; having to do with non-existent noises or with the fact that the guy knows the time I come home and my bad habbits…Scary. What is even scarier is the fact I asked him to come home one day. What was I thinking??!!?

Reality check

There go some nights that you set up a sex appointment. A simple message if he is ok for tonight and a confirmation on the time, to follow. Someone could say that this is too loose an attitude; too clear, too naked, too raw…too sad.

But there are those nights that (I think) you do something even worse. You are home, tired and bored to go out, but you negotiate with your feelings (and friends) and force yourself to switch off the TV and lift your ass from the couch. You have a shower, you do your hair, you wear your make up, spray your sexy perfume and get on your heels. So after having “forced” yourself to bring any good mood left out, there you are: sexy, parfumée and ready to shoot. In other words you are all dressed up and go out for “business as usual”: wander around different bars, hoping you meet somebody, hoping you get liked (not only on facebook), hoping you finally fall in love.

So who’s sad now?

Privilege

A gay friend can get your through experiences you could never imagine. Or better, experiences you could imagine but you wouldn’t have the chance to go through with your straight friends. Have you ever been in a gay night club? If yes, then you can tell what I am talking about. I should admit that, at first place, I didn’t want to go. He asked me to couple him since he wanted to meet a guy there, a guy he hardly knew. I was not in the mood into going in a gay friendly place with men around flirting. To be honest, I was thinking like a catholic friend I had back in school. Well I agreed…and there I was in this underground place. “Tonight it is a samurai night” he says, and I imagine crazy “women” with their “swords” wanting to turn men’s clothes into pieces.

Well, I get in, and as we cross the place, I look around. Fortunately I could see other girls too, and boys mixing also with girls. “It is like a straight bar”, I thought. However, the more we approached to the back of the place the harder it was to see a guy on sleeves! We were meeting this guy next to the dj. Luckily enough, the music was great. The more I danced, the more I realised that I was not at all bothered by the “guys” around me.  I even helped one of them with the laces of his corset! I was sure that if I got undressed in there, no one would even notice. And that was part of the fun!

So I begin seeing that night not as a favour I was doing to my friend. This is an experience that I owed to myself, and it is me that feels thankful not the other way round. The waiters were half naked and their eyes’ make up was much more intense than mine (nice bodies by the way.They could be nice fbs for sure). Too bad we were meeting under this context. I smile. I really smile on the sensuality I can “smell” around. There is nothing provocative or insulting (as that catholic mind of mine would imagine). Ok some guys are kissing, some are touching each other or take crazy photos. But they are so real. So free. So simple. You cannot see that in a straight bar my dear. This is the privilege of having a gay friend. That’s why I enjoyed it.  

LOVE

It is a hard day at work. A call in the morning before even getting in the car to drive to the office reminds you that you are late. Mr K is asking for a meeting. He wants to announce you your new role. You ask his P.A. to reschedule for later today while to your effort to prepare as soon as possible you almost skip a button on your shirt. You get in the office quite relaxed for some reason singing the worst song that could come to your mind. The moment though you sit at your office hell starts. Things to do, things to skip without no one noticing (:) ), things to cover, people to talk, partners to ‘cuddle’ and a long list of to-do that seems to be staying as-is till Monday. You do that presentation while you check that all buttons are in place! Everything rolls well and you feel content. You don’t know if you managed to sell your products but at least you booked yourself for a field trip in Latin America.

Time for lunch. The meeting with the new Director to follow. You feel a bit stressed. You get another call from his P.A., it is postponed. You have to wait until 5pm. F*%k it is Friday. You feel more stressed now. Your anxiety prolongs and your nerves get worse when you start realizing that everyone is kind of settled with new positions but you. You work and work. You feel like having a cigarette even if you never smoke at work. Not a good day today. The worse thing though is that you don’t know what will happen “tomorrow”. New role, new director, new era. You try not to worry. But you can’t.

And suddenly your phone rings. Brother is on the phone and you get so happy! Being in different countries makes communication less frequent. So everytime the word “brother” flashes on your mobile screen, a smile comes to your face! “I need to talk to you”, he says, and the smile is replaced with a frown.First time you hear him saying that. Your heart beats and you expect to hear the worst. Suddenly nothing matters. Only him. Problems at work, he says. You chat. You feel like getting the plane and meeting him at the café next to his office. You stay calm and “consult” him, say your opinion. Anything that would make him see things clear and feel less stressed. You were in that position 5 minutes ago, but it is all gone. Your personal concerns do not matter anymore. It is him that you worry more now.

You hang up and you realize that there is nothing stronger than the love for your brother. It is not expressed often, but it so real.

I hope you are lucky enough to feel the same.

 

Picture source costa85.deviantart.com

Since when?

Since when relationship came out to be that difficult? So hard to handle a boyfriend, a friend, a co-worker. The more we get older, the hardest it gets.

I remember being younger listening to people saying that the best period in a woman’s life is after 30. That’s true. The more the years pass by the more I realize myself, my body, my soul. It is not easy. It is tough, but at the same time interesting I should admit.

But the older you get the easier you want some things to roll. You can’t fight for getting a spot in someone’s life, you can’t fight to prove to your friends that you are out there for them even if you get to spend hours in the office, you can’t fight to show to your parents that even that you are not around you still love them. And the more you get older the more you need to face the truth. You need to face the fact that the life you planned might never appear. You are older, you are different. And you need to let go of this plan in order to live the life that is ahead of you. No, it is not compromise. I would call this adaptation rather than compromise.

And among these life time discoveries (!) you need to keep balance with people around you. That instead of making life easier for you (come on you have enough puzzles to solve) they are getting even more difficult to decode, to react, to show simple feelings. Well I agree that you shouldn’t take anything for granted, but sometimes things should come without having to fight for them. Come on, you know me so well, why should I prove to you who I am every single day? Things in relationships should come easy. If not, then better let it go.