Privilege

DOMINA-456-2 A gay friend can get your through experiences you could never imagine. Or better, experiences you could imagine but you wouldn’t have the chance to go through with your straight friends. Have you ever been in a gay night club? If yes, then you can tell what I am talking about. I should admit that, at first place, I didn’t want to go. He asked me to couple him since he wanted to meet a guy there, a guy he hardly knew. I was not in the mood into going in a gay friendly place with men around flirting. To be honest, I was thinking like a catholic friend I had back in school. Well I agreed…and there I was in this underground place. “Tonight it is a samurai night” he says, and I imagine crazy “women” with their “swords” wanting to turn men’s clothes into pieces.

Well, I get in, and as we cross the place, I look around. Fortunately I could see other girls too, and boys mixing also with girls. “It is like a straight bar”, I thought. However, the more we approached to the back of the place the harder it was to see a guy on sleeves! We were meeting this guy next to the dj. Luckily enough, the music was great. The more I danced, the more I realised that I was not at all bothered by the “guys” around me.  I even helped one of them with the laces of his corset! I was sure that if I got undressed in there, no one would even notice. And that was part of the fun!

So I begin seeing that night not as a favour I was doing to my friend. This is an experience that I owed to myself, and it is me that feels thankful not the other way round. The waiters were half naked and their eyes’ make up was much more intense than mine (nice bodies by the way.They could be nice fbs for sure). Too bad we were meeting under this context. I smile. I really smile on the sensuality I can “smell” around. There is nothing provocative or insulting (as that catholic mind of mine would imagine). Ok some guys are kissing, some are touching each other or take crazy photos. But they are so real. So free. So simple. You cannot see that in a straight bar my dear. This is the privilege of having a gay friend. That’s why I enjoyed it.  

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LOVE

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It is a hard day at work. A call in the morning before even getting in the car to drive to the office reminds you that you are late. Mr K is asking for a meeting. He wants to announce you your new role. You ask his P.A. to reschedule for later today while to your effort to prepare as soon as possible you almost skip a button on your shirt. You get in the office quite relaxed for some reason singing the worst song that could come to your mind. The moment though you sit at your office hell starts. Things to do, things to skip without no one noticing (:) ), things to cover, people to talk, partners to ‘cuddle’ and a long list of to-do that seems to be staying as-is till Monday. You do that presentation while you check that all buttons are in place! Everything rolls well and you feel content. You don’t know if you managed to sell your products but at least you booked yourself for a field trip in Latin America.

Time for lunch. The meeting with the new Director to follow. You feel a bit stressed. You get another call from his P.A., it is postponed. You have to wait until 5pm. F*%k it is Friday. You feel more stressed now. Your anxiety prolongs and your nerves get worse when you start realizing that everyone is kind of settled with new positions but you. You work and work. You feel like having a cigarette even if you never smoke at work. Not a good day today. The worse thing though is that you don’t know what will happen “tomorrow”. New role, new director, new era. You try not to worry. But you can’t.

And suddenly your phone rings. Brother is on the phone and you get so happy! Being in different countries makes communication less frequent. So everytime the word “brother” flashes on your mobile screen, a smile comes to your face! “I need to talk to you”, he says, and the smile is replaced with a frown.First time you hear him saying that. Your heart beats and you expect to hear the worst. Suddenly nothing matters. Only him. Problems at work, he says. You chat. You feel like getting the plane and meeting him at the café next to his office. You stay calm and “consult” him, say your opinion. Anything that would make him see things clear and feel less stressed. You were in that position 5 minutes ago, but it is all gone. Your personal concerns do not matter anymore. It is him that you worry more now.

You hang up and you realize that there is nothing stronger than the love for your brother. It is not expressed often, but it so real.

I hope you are lucky enough to feel the same.

 

Picture source costa85.deviantart.com

Since when?

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Since when relationship came out to be that difficult? So hard to handle a boyfriend, a friend, a co-worker. The more we get older, the hardest it gets.

I remember being younger listening to people saying that the best period in a woman’s life is after 30. That’s true. The more the years pass by the more I realize myself, my body, my soul. It is not easy. It is tough, but at the same time interesting I should admit.

But the older you get the easier you want some things to roll. You can’t fight for getting a spot in someone’s life, you can’t fight to prove to your friends that you are out there for them even if you get to spend hours in the office, you can’t fight to show to your parents that even that you are not around you still love them. And the more you get older the more you need to face the truth. You need to face the fact that the life you planned might never appear. You are older, you are different. And you need to let go of this plan in order to live the life that is ahead of you. No, it is not compromise. I would call this adaptation rather than compromise.

And among these life time discoveries (!) you need to keep balance with people around you. That instead of making life easier for you (come on you have enough puzzles to solve) they are getting even more difficult to decode, to react, to show simple feelings. Well I agree that you shouldn’t take anything for granted, but sometimes things should come without having to fight for them. Come on, you know me so well, why should I prove to you who I am every single day? Things in relationships should come easy. If not, then better let it go.

Houston we’ve got a problem!

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What happens when your fuck body becomes a fuck buddy? Problems…You’ve never asked for it, you’ve never pursued it, but for some reason he feels so comfortable discussing with you, that he could even discuss about the message he received from his ex!

So you had sex and then lie on bed having a smoke (he even prepared the cigarette for you-first sign that things do now work well). And he starts asking questions about what this message means, what you would do if you were at his place, what is the psychology of a woman sending that after a year that they broke up..and then this cartoon circles come over your head: (fuck I wish I could text my girlfriends right now), (maybe this is fun), (well if I tell him to come back to her I might lose my fb-whatever “b” means), (what if he really quits?)…You pull yourself together and try to show that you are really following him. You give an answer that provokes a new question, and then another answer…and… the cigarette goes off (thank God!). “It is time I left” you say and start looking for your clothes. He doesn’t say a single word and you see him gazing outside the window. Well you got him thinking…that is what you don’t want your fb to do!!!This is when your f.body becomes a f.buddy…Oh f*#k!

You pretend nothing happened (he is too hurt to go back anyway) and leave his place. Dual role for tonight.

 

Life findings

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Have you ever wondered what’s the difference between the terms “friends with benefits” (fwb) and “fuck body” (fb)? Well I have. To be honest I really couldn’t see why there were two different terms into describing “casual sex – no relationship”. So I thought it was the same, that I could use both for the same meaning…Well I was mistaken apparently! Last night I really got to know the difference and I think I should share it…

So to me, “friends with benefits” refers to the situation where you know the guy, you go out for drinks, coffee, you might even share common interests and you feel somehow intimate to him. Of course when you meet, you end up having sex. And then, after sex, there might be a bit of cuddling, teasing, hugging (well not too much!), you lay down together and you probably have a cigarette or two. A fwb will call you on your nameday or maybe text you to show his “friendly” interest. A fwb is this kind of person that will offer you a glass of water after sex and probably discuss about the interaction you had some minutes ago. He might even drive you home!

A “fuck body” on the other hand is just what the term denotes. Is the person that texts you “lets meet tomorrow for a coffee” or even “lets meet tomorrow to have sex”. He invites you at his place straight away since there is no point going for a drink before that. Things are simple. You can have great sex with him, you can feel that things are great…but only until the moment this “night story” comes to an end. After that he just sits on the other side of the bed smoking, he doesn’t even discuss with you about what happened earlier on but ensures he locks the appointment for next time! So you have no feelings for him, you don’t really care how his day was…something that you would ask a fwb. He offers you simple sex and gets you out of the difficult situation of discussing how it was! So you don’t need to bother much…convenient!

So having experienced an “fb meeting”, I think I can tell the difference now. Don’t ask me what I prefer! Maybe none of the above. But it is fun to know anyway!!! ;-)

Aside

What is it?

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Isn’t it sometimes that you wonder what exactly you miss out of him/her; is it the person that you are missing or the relationship? Is it the “need” to be that couple again or is it just the feeling to be coupled? Is it just this ghost of past memories that puts you down or is it a reflection that you can’t see anymore when you look yourself at the mirror? What is it that you are actually missing?

Well, it is you. It is yourself that you are missing. You are missing yourself being happy, walking down the street smiling to complete strangers for no reason, acting silly just because… You are missing this great side of you. Don’t take it wrong, it is not that you need this person to actually be yourself.   It is that you need the trigger point to reveal feelings, words, looks, expressions, that you wouldn’t be able to reveal with your friends or people you just like and admire. You just need to be in love!

Pick a guy with a belly

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I am sure you’ve been in this situation where you describe to your girlfriends your new boyfriend (boyfriend to be or whatever…) pointing out all these little details about his fit body (I hope they are not that little ;-)). Let’s be honest, this is the very first thing you mention (after the zodiac).

So when it comes out of your mouth “he is doing sports”, “he is playing basket”, “he is a surfer”, “he is a professional swimmer”, you just hear all four of your girlfriends go “WWWWWOOOOWWWWW”. And then you start laughing, imagining his naked body, all the sex positions and… lets don’t get more dirty here.

I am sorry to say that but this is not the ideal scenario when you meet someone. Talking out of recent experience, I learnt not to look at his six, eight pack and get impressed with his passion for sports. Well don’t take me wrong, I know it is good to follow sports and work out, I exercise myself..but I never bother my partner with the history of Joseph Pilates!

Did I ever say that I want to know who is ahead in score and what will happen if the goal difference is not enough? Do I need to massage you just after your game or…better prepare for our game? Come on! Still, basketball and football are not that tough, I can make a comment or two. What happens when we start analyzing wind speed and direction? If I wanted to become a weather forecaster I would study more maths at school my love. I don’t want to know how the wind blows because simply, I never go to the beach in February let alone with a camera on my hand! Yes a camera! Because not only you have to follow all this “sports passion kind of thing” but also to be supportive! No thank you, I prefer normal guys instead!

I just want a guy with a belly! This guy that eats late at night and leaves weekends free! That follows sports every now and then but eats burgers after that. That doesn’t get into depression if the snow is not soft enough and finds it as a good alternative to stay by the fireplace…Who cares if there is a bit of a belly there? If he still makes me go wwwwooowww ;-)